dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
