Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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