i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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