I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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