he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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