So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
