Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
