she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
