Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
