I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.