Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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  (609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm
  Replies (11) Good night (3783) Bad night (595)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom

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  (940): good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom http://tfl.nu/suhd
  Replies (31) Good night (1758) Bad night (4363)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

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  (706): So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/v79f
  Replies (26) Good night (1418) Bad night (7168)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.

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  (706): just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was. http://tfl.nu/tfbm
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (1829)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2362) Bad night (722)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.

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  (256): We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money. http://tfl.nu/cfn1
  Replies (7) Good night (2175) Bad night (915)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!

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  (910): I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT! http://tfl.nu/3dqj
  Replies (9) Good night (1679) Bad night (647)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.

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  (207): I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered. http://tfl.nu/1qcp
  Replies (3) Good night (646) Bad night (804)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?

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  (425): OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES? http://tfl.nu/syph
  Replies (18) Good night (2285) Bad night (662)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

  (936): View more from Texas

  You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

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  (903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex
  Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (475)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  All is fair in love and war and toga parties

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  (404): All is fair in love and war and toga parties http://tfl.nu/gkur
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (293)
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  (831): View more from California

  just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.

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  (831): just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal. http://tfl.nu/1l64
  Replies (3) Good night (289) Bad night (402)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.

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  (505): I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir. http://tfl.nu/2mq7
  Replies (4) Good night (663) Bad night (367)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.

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  (203): the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law. http://tfl.nu/eqhh
  Replies (6) Good night (828) Bad night (257)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life

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  (480): Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life http://tfl.nu/eosg
  Replies (6) Good night (284) Bad night (447)

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