I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%