haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade