that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
