I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize