I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
