ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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