We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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