She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
