well I can't set my house on fire every night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
