Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
