I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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