ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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