so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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