Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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