I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
