im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
