All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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