tell your sister to shave her snatch
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
