The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
