Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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