you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
