you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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