It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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