You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This baby is an asshole
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
