the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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