Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
