Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
