she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My penis needs a shock collar
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
