i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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