let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
