I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
