At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
