I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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