My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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