clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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