Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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