I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
