I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
birth control should be required to get into college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
