May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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