I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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