I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
