I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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