I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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