my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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