ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
40s are totally the cure
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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