I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
