im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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