so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
