someone threw a dead crab at me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
