do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
