Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
