He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
