I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
