So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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