apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize