Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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