are you so shy because you have an std?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
