First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize