Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
