is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
