thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
