Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
