Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
