I got chris browned last night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
