I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
