You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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