I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just cropdusted the office
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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