Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
