Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
