I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
