the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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