So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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