I just pynch a tree in the face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
