this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
