During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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