i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
