Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
