I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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