oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
