No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
